Time is fleeting; Madness takes it's toll

I actually can’t believe that it’s already September! It’s Spring, but I’m not convinced Winter is over. We’ve had the most amazing weather in Montagu over the past week, with temperatures mostly in the late 20’s – but I’m wary that’s it’s all a ruse. We haven’t had much of a Winter at all this year, don’t you think?

It’s been very difficult sitting down to write this next blog. So much has happened since my last entry, but putting it all down on paper is proving to be more challenging than I anticipated. The last 2 weeks have been an emotional roller-coaster ride! And I can only assume that it’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better. As much as we have been receiving support from most of our friends and family, there are those that are fearful, and their fears mirror the fears that we are already feeling.

We’ve been living in Montagu for 5 months, and by the time we leave, we’ll have been here for 8 months. Initially our move here was a way of getting out of the city – de-urbanising if you like. We always knew that this move was an interim step, between city life and self-sustainability. Our plan was to be here for 2 years though – ha! So much for that! When we were told that the house had been sold, Mark and I sat down and went through all our options:

Go Back to Cape Town – that would be like taking a step backward
Rent another property in Montagu – as much as we enjoy living here, we’ve also been very restless here.
Move to another town and rent – that would mean starting all over again …
Sell up and move on

Mark and I spent Mon to Fri last week in Cape Town - even though we live in Montagu, I still work in Cape Town and I go in every 2 weeks. It’s supposed to be for 2 or 3 days at a time, but last week was especially busy, so we ended up staying longer. We both had time to spend with our families, and this is where we’ve experienced the most resistance. Obviously they are worried for us – will we be safe, what if something goes wrong, how will we support ourselves? The thing is that all these fears apply to ‘normal’ life as well – but we handle it as it happens and go on. It’ll be the same out on the road. If the car breaks down, it will just mean that we need to be where we are for a bit longer, for who knows what reason. If we get sick, we’ll go to the general hospital or clinic in the area. And as far as supporting ourselves goes – we’re working on it.

For me personally, the ‘what-if’s’ have stopped parading through my head. I have moments where suddenly out of the blue, my whole body freezes and I think: ‘what the feck am I doing?!’ As soon as that happens though, I counter with: ‘If not now, when?’ I’m 40 – I’m not getting any younger. I’ve never done anything, seen anything and I’d like to do it before it’s too late. The longer we leave it, the harder it will be to ever leave. Using the word ‘leave’ somehow just doesn’t feel right. It’s more like going on a search, a journey, a quest. There are very many cultures that have rites of passage where the individual lets go of everything that defines them and goes on a quest to find out who they really are. This is like that: we’re letting go of that which does not serve us and going on a quest for our purpose. We’ve both been dissatisfied and restless for the longest time, working in jobs that earn us an income but does nothing to enrich our lives or fill us with purpose.

I’ve spent most of this week on the internet: looking for caravans for sale that fit our budget and trying to set up the skeleton of our itinerary. The basic outline is that we will follow festivals and parties around. And in-between these events, we’ll fill the gaps with sight-seeing, meeting people and experiencing what is out there. But like I said in an earlier blog: ‘If you want to make God laugh, make plans’. The thing is that it’s all we have though. It is in our nature to try and control the outcome. As much as I know deep down inside that there is no way that we can control the outcome, being the control-freak that I am, I try anyway. I suspect that this may be the root of the problem. My main challenge, and Mark’s I suspect, is going to be to learn to let go and stop trying to control everything. Yes, we can have our intentions; yes, we can take action – but that is the sum total of what we CAN do. I trust that there is a Divine Plan which we can’t know nor understand – not yet anyway.

At this point I think I should mention that I’ve been stalling on sharing our ‘philosophy’ with you. We are what is referred to as ‘new age spiritualists’. This philosophy is too huge to discuss here (so huge that there are very few that are able to connect all the dots), but it is relevant. It is our motivating factor for making this move. Instead of trying to explain, I’ve made a list of authors, researchers and websites that you can have a look at if you are interested:

Websites: http://www.crystalworlds.com/ ; http://evolutionezine.com/escaping-the-matrix/ ; http://www.michaelsharp.org/ ; http://divinecosmos.com/ ; http://www.crystalinks.com/ ; http://www.cropcirclesecrets.org/

Authors & Researchers: Dr Michael Sharp, Don Miguel Ruiz, Gregg Braden, Masaru Emoto, Deb Shapiro, Eckhart Tolle, David Wilcock, Freddy Silva, Targ & Hurtak, Bruce H Lipton (Ph.D), Lynne McTaggart, Colleen Joy Page, Tony Burroughs

I’ve decided not to use the www.getoffthehamsterwheel.blogspot.com site any longer. It just seems more viable to use my Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Get-Off-The-Hamster-Wheel/145280654433)

That’s it for now folks

Yours in Love and Service

Caron